sweet dreams or beautiful nightmares?

ok ,much to the disgust of everyone i know, my male chums and resident ovaries, the female switch has been turned on.

those who recieve a regular ( and blessed) audience with QUINN will be aware that whilst i enjoy such rituals as giant hair, fabulous lashes and excess glitter, i am not, in attitude, the most girly of people. i like to have food fights, drink pints, hate kids and generally consider marriage akin to lifelong shackles. but today, there was a shift.

unusually warm for september, the pilgrimage to the high street brought new eyes to familar. yes, i'm talking about A BRIDAL SHOP. cascades of white taffeta and silk set my heart racing, imagining a first dance to a faceless groom across a dancefloor, attractive guests mopping botoxed faces of mascara tears with Argyle hankies.....

this is hugely alien to the normal me, and i can't even blame it on hormones. i don't mind being single, i'm not desp to be part of a 'we' (i've seen those who are and they just turn into ugly caricatures of their former selves). BUT I WANT A WEDDING. NOW.

so i did what any sane, normal girl with these fanatasies does. i began to scour the internet for dresses, venues and, most importantly. DIAMONDS.

 the gown was easy, love at first obsessive click. lets be honest, i'm not about to buy a monsoon frock. we're talking VERA WANG. even saying that to a potential bride is like whispering 'krispy kreme' to a fat kid stuck at weight loss camp (i've been there). the designs, the fabrics, it all makes me weak at the knees
.

isn't it the most beautiful dress you've ever seen. my eyes are crossing from staring at it with lust. beautiful .

now, the venue, still not found that, but the wedding planner can sort that. it'll have to be large enough to accomodate all of Hollywood tho obvs, overlooking the sea, with Dolly Parton singing a medley of love themes as i shimmy down the aisle (with that fishtail, strutting would be impossible), my loving dog Mimi LaRochelle a ring bearer, tiny sateen pillow secured to her torso.

and now... THE RING. i actually just clapped my hands in delight after i wrote that. i need it so big, the jewellers supply a free wheelbarrow to tote it around in when my delicate arm needs a rest. i'm not talking overly showy, just big enough so people go SHE IS RICH. jlo style. something like this should do the trick.

any smaller, and the giver will have to reschedule an appointment with my PA Chad (who is doing fine btw, i'm helping him with his fake tan 2moro, he's got some giant party on sat) to discuss his shortcomings.

so i think thats all the details...oh yeah, a groom. DAMN IT!!! x

p.s. if anyone knows a good therapist around the Chester area, some form of mental support is required. THANKS!