the world already wanted me today before even opening an eye. it was mum. being an only child, guilt seeps in if proper and often communication is not kept in place, which can be hard as she's very skilled at revealing my states of intoxication/post-intoxication/coming down over the phoneline.
3 minutes in, she asked what sedatives i'd been on. its a talent. i think its largely due to her having been a perscription junkie for the last 40 years. i didn't develop a taste for tramadol and valium out of thin air! so that started things off well, and i eventually left the reciever face down on the pillow, the polyfibre a better audience for the lecture.
my bathroom is more a cupboard with a toilet in, but the small space allows even the smallest slice of winter sun to mimic a hockney pastel scene. it was an enjoyable difference this AM from the darkness and judgement taking place in the bedroom.
just begun to re-read less than zero. if you haven't read anything by brett easton ellis you're missing out, his depicition of youth is spot on. i read it first when i was 14, and although loved it then, it speaks more to me now having developed the same detachments clay has to life.
i have to touch my foot when i read sat upright (whats tht about?) so spent a few minutes perched on the bath lip, caressing naked toes whilst touring drug riddled LA circa 1985 with ellis as a respite from the maternal nagging. it was nice. returning the blackberry to my ear, i catch the end warning. "Do you understand me?"
it was difficult not to laugh, but i managed to suppress.
"yes mum."
x
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