Monday
ladies
just give up. the more u try the worse it is, and you imagine its all going to be taylor swift style but instead turns out more kelis, complete with bad hair and sudden rage fits. quinn is offic finished with men. i shall turn my life from bridget jones to satc but from samantha's view (we'll skip over the whole smith period, bb got weak), and fingers crossed, eventually forget i was even in love, or, BIG HOPE, erase him from my memory completely. HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY! x
dirty martini? DIRTY BASTARD!
Saturday
kardash and roll
big day today - my fave kardashian kim is getting married! i'm sure bb hasn't eaten for weeks in prep for her nuptuals with, so no doubt a fainting fit will ensue which everyone will chalk down to emotion, with kris shoe-horning a pain au chocolat in the armenian beauty's chops before the press call.
so, who the fuck is kris humphries right? some american basketball player, who stands at 6ft 9, a fair amount taller than thumbelina kim at 5ft 2. a 6 month relationship is decades in hollywood, and she landed a gorge $2 million engagement ring, which was a design robbed from my own collection.
now, i'm not being a hater, but i reck after kourtney being settled with douchebag scott and khloe off enjoying dairy milk with lamar, kim felt the heat and would have said yes to anyone. its just lucky kris is such a babe, and also has a name beginning with k. thing is tho, with her moms and husband sharing the same name, aren't things going to be a bit warped in the bedroom? hmm.
finally, what do you get for the girl who has everything as a matrimonial gift? well, i'm guessing bb is all about remembering her roots, so let's keep it old school.
what's that? oh you didn't know it would get leaked? maybe skip the career advice from paris next time x
so, who the fuck is kris humphries right? some american basketball player, who stands at 6ft 9, a fair amount taller than thumbelina kim at 5ft 2. a 6 month relationship is decades in hollywood, and she landed a gorge $2 million engagement ring, which was a design robbed from my own collection.
now, i'm not being a hater, but i reck after kourtney being settled with douchebag scott and khloe off enjoying dairy milk with lamar, kim felt the heat and would have said yes to anyone. its just lucky kris is such a babe, and also has a name beginning with k. thing is tho, with her moms and husband sharing the same name, aren't things going to be a bit warped in the bedroom? hmm.
obvs i was invited with us being bff's, but i had an important day of staring at the wall and crying over dawson's creek, so had to decline. sniff. had i attended though, there were a few outfits in the running but this beauty below by christian lacroix would have won out. nothing says wedding chic like emulating our lady of guadalupe, and rachel zoe would die for it.
finally, what do you get for the girl who has everything as a matrimonial gift? well, i'm guessing bb is all about remembering her roots, so let's keep it old school.
what's that? oh you didn't know it would get leaked? maybe skip the career advice from paris next time x
Friday
i'd rather cut my leg off..
than date gavin henson. VOM. he's a total monotoned goon. he gets manicures. men can't chop wood and fight bears with a manicure.
as much as mens health and american tv suggests women want waxed, tanned, fit athletes, truth is i think most of us just want someone who doesn't weigh less than us. so ideally i'm looking for a 7ft rugby player to even it up . hook me up? x
as much as mens health and american tv suggests women want waxed, tanned, fit athletes, truth is i think most of us just want someone who doesn't weigh less than us. so ideally i'm looking for a 7ft rugby player to even it up . hook me up? x
old habits.
friday night, sat in watching the lowest ebbs of society compete on the rehashed celeb big bro. clueless to who most of them r tbh. why am i not out? well. hmm.
went out last night to the local bender bar, and in between downing cutprice vodka and dancing like a general knob to chart fodder, managed to get barred, mostly due to a female bouncer and me asking her if she sold recreational products. she didn't, the bathroom graffiti lied, and we were shown the door. perf!
so to console myself today, me and galpal west started drinking at approx 3pm, propping the bar up with other benefit barbies and coffin dodgers enjoying watered down spirits and cold chips. lovely.
also, went to the vag clinic yday (u can exhale, army of exes, all is fine), but west had to have liquid nitrogen sprayed on to nuke god knows what down there, i found it hilarious obvs. both of us felt we were at least owed dinner or a phone number in exchange for our violation's, but we were instead shuffled out into the grey light of day, walking home with a slight limp.
gonna watch control now, the ian curtis biopic. seeing as i'm reading rules of attraction, all i need is a clove cigarette and even bigger hair, if that's possible, and i'm in 1980. x
went out last night to the local bender bar, and in between downing cutprice vodka and dancing like a general knob to chart fodder, managed to get barred, mostly due to a female bouncer and me asking her if she sold recreational products. she didn't, the bathroom graffiti lied, and we were shown the door. perf!
so to console myself today, me and galpal west started drinking at approx 3pm, propping the bar up with other benefit barbies and coffin dodgers enjoying watered down spirits and cold chips. lovely.
also, went to the vag clinic yday (u can exhale, army of exes, all is fine), but west had to have liquid nitrogen sprayed on to nuke god knows what down there, i found it hilarious obvs. both of us felt we were at least owed dinner or a phone number in exchange for our violation's, but we were instead shuffled out into the grey light of day, walking home with a slight limp.
gonna watch control now, the ian curtis biopic. seeing as i'm reading rules of attraction, all i need is a clove cigarette and even bigger hair, if that's possible, and i'm in 1980. x
Tuesday
fuuccckk
its been 6 months since i last blogged, what is that about?! apologies to the loyal armies who rioted throughout the country, i heard ur pleas and have returned.
so whats new with you?! i finished uni, barely scraped a 2:2, which considering the ultimate bender i've been on since feb is pretty good going. met some interesting guys, dated liikkee 3? i dunno, a few anyways, it all gets a bit contorted with the amount i drink, went to possibly the best house parties, basement raves and hot-tub outings the world has ever seen, got a nose bleed in pizza hut, gave away the plotting guinea pigs and packed up my entire life in 2 days. mad few months.
am now back in the glorious midlands attempting to score some variety of full time work that allows me to continue this champagne existence, so i settled on PR, ab fab style. its gonna be a poor year, as have two interviews lined up for internships with only minimal expenses paid, but i can survive on vapour and fumes, it'll be fine. sights are set on NYC, its just gonna take a lil bit of ladder climbing to get there first.
my days are mostly filled now with watching the rachel zoe project, go watch it, its incred, and shopping. sounds fun right? i'm bored out of my tiny mind. also have a new trainer bird, i've only been once and my ass is literally rock so fingers crossed i'll look like a kardashian by next week (not khloe tho...i love you girl but u did not get the looks).
good few months for music! tyler, odd future, the return of nas, new laura marling, oh land, foster the people, washed out, the rapture, bon iver, jay and kanye......wowzers. excited for the next few months. LANA DEL RAY is my current fave, listen to 'video games', serious nostalgia.
my alcoholism is getting better, i try not to drink before 12 anymore, and stop when i go crossed eyed. small steps! i'm still a bit blue over leaving chester, my friends and my beautiful room, plus some other people i met along the way but i'm not crying anymore, and i'm somehow managing to control my desire to murder my dad when he breathes like darth vader and looks at me with insulting awe when i get an answer correct on university challenge. EVERYONE KNOWS THE PERIODIC SIGN FOR NITROGEN YOU IDIOT. cleansing breaths are the answer. its a catch 22 with how soon i go back, because i feel like i can't get over the place if i keep visiting, can't get over everything that happened there, but i miss the clear air and the way the city looks from the walls around 6pm, and not being able to walk 10 feet without seeing people you know, or wish you didn't know. i think i have to just sit tight and wait for it to pass.
the new gardener is a bit fine, sleeve and neck tattoos. i'm a sucker for controversy x
so whats new with you?! i finished uni, barely scraped a 2:2, which considering the ultimate bender i've been on since feb is pretty good going. met some interesting guys, dated liikkee 3? i dunno, a few anyways, it all gets a bit contorted with the amount i drink, went to possibly the best house parties, basement raves and hot-tub outings the world has ever seen, got a nose bleed in pizza hut, gave away the plotting guinea pigs and packed up my entire life in 2 days. mad few months.
am now back in the glorious midlands attempting to score some variety of full time work that allows me to continue this champagne existence, so i settled on PR, ab fab style. its gonna be a poor year, as have two interviews lined up for internships with only minimal expenses paid, but i can survive on vapour and fumes, it'll be fine. sights are set on NYC, its just gonna take a lil bit of ladder climbing to get there first.
my days are mostly filled now with watching the rachel zoe project, go watch it, its incred, and shopping. sounds fun right? i'm bored out of my tiny mind. also have a new trainer bird, i've only been once and my ass is literally rock so fingers crossed i'll look like a kardashian by next week (not khloe tho...i love you girl but u did not get the looks).
good few months for music! tyler, odd future, the return of nas, new laura marling, oh land, foster the people, washed out, the rapture, bon iver, jay and kanye......wowzers. excited for the next few months. LANA DEL RAY is my current fave, listen to 'video games', serious nostalgia.
my alcoholism is getting better, i try not to drink before 12 anymore, and stop when i go crossed eyed. small steps! i'm still a bit blue over leaving chester, my friends and my beautiful room, plus some other people i met along the way but i'm not crying anymore, and i'm somehow managing to control my desire to murder my dad when he breathes like darth vader and looks at me with insulting awe when i get an answer correct on university challenge. EVERYONE KNOWS THE PERIODIC SIGN FOR NITROGEN YOU IDIOT. cleansing breaths are the answer. its a catch 22 with how soon i go back, because i feel like i can't get over the place if i keep visiting, can't get over everything that happened there, but i miss the clear air and the way the city looks from the walls around 6pm, and not being able to walk 10 feet without seeing people you know, or wish you didn't know. i think i have to just sit tight and wait for it to pass.
the new gardener is a bit fine, sleeve and neck tattoos. i'm a sucker for controversy x
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